When Kain Meets Stephenie
by The Karnstein
Summary: It would seem that the worst piece of literature ever concieved has made it's way to Nosgoth. And the king of all vampires isn't too thrilled about it. So he calls for a meeting with the authoress herself.


When Kain Meets Stephenie

Night fell on the Sanctuary of the Clans. Mist gathered in the surrounding environment, cloaking the rotting corpses that littered the earth. To the unsharpened human eyes, these bodies would remain unseen. This technique would make luring a particular "human ambassador" to the Sanctuary all too easy. A female human, brunette, chubby, with full lips and an overall confident look about herself, was standing between two of her bodyguards. The boys were young, perhaps seventeen in age, one looking deathly pale with topaz-colored eyes, and the other a more exotic, russet-colored boy with long black hair. Neither appeared to be human, making this strange relationship with this much older woman all the more unusual. As they approached the Sanctuary, the fledglings of the vampires Turel and Dumah stood at the entry. They eyed this human ambassador with a look of pure disgust, though orders from their masters prevented them from attacking. However, both hissed very low and menacing at the bodyguards.

The human woman approached them. "Hello, I am Mrs. Stephenie Meyer and these are my loyal sex sla... I mean... bodyguards, Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. I am the ambassador for the people at the Human Citadel and I believe your leader, Lord Kain, has called for a meeting."

She was unsure why the two very fearsome and intimidating fledglings chuckled at each other. Edward leaned in close to Stephenie, looking very protective and suspicious. "I've read their minds... they're thinking of the many different ways they'd like to torture you. But you are my life now, and I am very protective of you. I will not let them hurt you."

Jacob, appearing to be somewhat unnerved by Edward's affection towards Stephenie, moved closer to her as well. "And should anything happen," he added, "I will protect your children with my life. I didn't imprint on them for nothing!"

Upon this, a very flustered and blushing Stephenie moved closer between the boys, locking her arms around theirs and nodded to the fledglings to offer her a safe passage. They sidestepped and the great doors to the sanctuary pulled open. The trio proceeded into the building and proceeded down many long halls and stairways before approaching the throne room. At the center of the collapsing nine pillars sat Kain, the lord of the vampires. All of the six lieutenants stood in the circular room, and Kain's favorite, Raziel, was at his side. In his cloven hand was a thick, black book with a pair of small, pale hands holding a red apple. He did not look to the three as they arrived.

Stephenie and the two young men approached the center of the room. Stephenie was all smiles when she dropped to one knee, bowing her head very low and then looking up at the vampire lord with a look of complete bliss and happiness. She was excited and simply honored to be in the presence of the greatest vampire ever to have lived.

"Lord Kain, I am irrevocably honored to be called before you." she began, then gasped. "And I see you have decided to pick up one of my written works! I have written those simply for me and never expected you to be a fan! I am-"

She paused when she realized that he was not listening to her. He merely continued to look over the pages of the book. When she glanced around, she saw that all eyes were on her. Every single lieutenant were looking directly at her: their faces were hard, their lips were but thin lines, and their eyes looked simply murderous. Not one word was spoken. Not one sound was made. The only breaths she heard was from Jacob and herself. And when she glanced at Edward, she saw that his face was troubled. He was without a doubt reading the minds of every person in this room. And judging by the gradually building horror on his face, these thoughts were not pleasant.

She could hardly take this uncomfortable silence. So she spoke again, "My lord... what is it that you wish to discuss?"

After another long moment of silence, Kain's words left his mouth. Though his eyes did not raise to meet her.

"It has come to my knowledge that you have in fact decided to dedicated not just this novel, but three others about our proud vampire race, is this the truth?" he said as he turned the page of the book.

Stephenie nodded hugely. "It is, sir. It was almost four, but I discontinued that book. I believe there are still a few leaks of it on the Inter-"

"And in these books," Kain interrupted, "...your depiction of a vampire is a creature without fangs..."

Stephenie nodded again.

"...a creature that survives entirely on the blood of animals..." he continued. She nodded again. "...and your central characters are a family of these vampires who..." he leaned in close, taking in every line he was reading from this book. It was as if he were trying to convince himself that he was truly reading what was written, "...live in a mansion in the forest... drink from the blood of animals, despite the large population of humans nearby... and attend a human school for the past 100 years for no apparent reason..."

At this point Stephenie was looking rather nervous, but kept that smile. "Ah, yes! Indeed! In fact, these two were my inspiration for the book," she said, placing her hands on both Edward and Jacob. "Edward is my beautiful, godlike, enchanting, amazing, graceful, and perfect protagonist. And Jacob here is... well... the nicer person who gets the shaft for being so, but finds happiness in lusting for infants!"

"Indeed..." Kain's tone was nuetral. The looks on the faces of every lieutenant however, were far from amused or pleased. "In regards to your vampire protagonist... I have read that he is a monster. He has killed people before, correct?" she confirmed this. "And has enhanced strength and speed, the capability to behead a creature with his bare hands... and yet spends his days stalking a young human female not for food or sex, but because... he loves her."

Stephenie's eyes seemed to glitter with tears as he described the glorious character that was Edward. It seemed that as Kain spoke, a vivid, steamy fantasy of herself and the vampire seemed to whip up in her mind. Images of him stealing her away from her loving parents and loyal friends and commanding her to do everything he desired, from laying in the meadow in the warm sun to having long, drawn out kissing sessions. She sniffled and nodded, and her smile was simply enchanting. Here she was, before the great Kain. He had her written works in his hand. And seemed to be enjoying every moment of it! This was truly the greatest moment of her life.

"...May I ask... just to clarify what I have read..." he said, and this time he looked up over the pages, staring right at the woman. "...What exactly happens to your vampires... when they step into sunlight?"

Stephenie wiped her tears of joy away from her face and replied, "They step into the light, and their skin begins to shimmer! It's as if a thousand diamonds make up their cold, pale skin and causes them to glitter and sparkle! That is why they stay in such dark places, for if people saw them shimmering, they would know they were different! And dangerous!"

Then she heard a choking noise. Stephenie looked up and saw that Edward's eyes were wide and his body was stiff. His cold hand moved onto her shoulder and he seemed to be stumbling backwards. "...They're going to kill us..." he gasped.

Stephenie blinked, and her face paled. "...What!?" he looked back at Kain, who had lowered the book entirely, and was staring at her with pure contempt. She turned her head and saw that every single Lieutenant was taking a step forward, murderous intentions made clear on all of their faces. And Stephenie felt her heart pounding hard and fast in her chest.

"They're going to kill us! We have to go!" Edward shouted, grabbing Stephenie and throwing her onto his back. As he attempted to rush for the door, a strong, telekinetic force grappled onto Stephenie and ripped her off of his back.

Edward turned to see that Kain was using his telekinetic powers to keep Stephenie levitating in the air. Before Edward could rush to her ad, something that felt like a spiderweb struck him. His body stiffened, constricted, incapable of getting away, and he felt a clawed hand slash across his perfect face. He hit the ground and saw through the blood and torn skin the outline of Zephon and Dumah approaching him. From across the room, he heard a growl as Jacob's body shifted from it's human-like appearance into a very large, tawny-colored wolf. He growled and leapt at Turel and Rahab. As he went to maul Rahab, the vampire summoned a water projectile and hit the large wolf in his eyes. Turel took the opportunity to leap onto the canine's back, drive his clawed hand into the back of the creature's head and force his face into the stone floor. Melchiah took the opportunity to pull out a rather large, curved blade: one he used to skin the carcasses of his human prey.

From in the air, Stephenie watched in horror, screaming and crying in agony as the lieutenants proceeded to delimb and destroy her beloved bodyguards. And then her body jerked backwards and she felt it smash against the ground. She winced, crying out in pain before her brown eyes opened up. She gasped: instead of looking up at the ceiling, she saw the outline of Kain and Raziel standing over her.

"Your books make a mockery of our race. And your confidence and arrogance sickens us." Raziel spat, then glanced at Kain. "Would you like the honor, my Lord?"

A sick smile spread across Kain's face as his cloven foot pressed down painfully on Stephenie's chest. "For this rare and unusual occassion, Raziel..." he said, then chuckled. "...I am more than willing to share."

From the outside of the Sanctuary, a woman's long scream pierced the air.


End file.
